jennalicious

marathon training - week 1

2010-01-06T08:48:00.003-05:00

here are my results from the first week of marathon training. not bad considering i went zero to sixty! :)

01/04/10 - 3 miles
01/05/10 - core training
01/06/10 - 2.4 miles
01/07/10 - none
01/08/10 - none
01/09/10 - 3.70 miles
01/10/10 - 1 mile
week 1: 10.1

and so it begins...

2010-01-04T18:08:00.000-05:00

over the holiday break, i signed up for my second marathon: The Avenue of the Giants Marathon. those close know that i VOWED to never run another marathon after my first, but, sometimes motivation to fit into a wedding dress just kicks "never" in the behind.

the training is pretty straight forward...

fitness: four days of running using the training program from the disney marathon, two days of core/bootcamp training, and one day of rest.
nutrition: weight watchers - focusing on clean eating (whole foods/fruits/protein) and staying away from processed foods.
time: my goal is to run in the mornings even though it's flippen' cold. i did some research and found out that lungs do not freeze (good news!) so i guess i'm safe.

i will continue to monitor my progress here and nike plus.

that's it. here we go.

goodbye 2009 - hello 2010

2010-01-01T13:39:00.001-05:00

i guess it's not so bad being on the east coast for new years... we were able to sleep in and make breakfast before the rose parade started! :)

in 2010, i resolve to:
-- be less snarky to eric
-- fit into my wedding dress
-- run a second marathon
-- stick to a training schedule
-- continue "letting go" of small issues
-- not use credit cards

happy 2010.

a new start

2009-12-15T13:27:00.000-05:00

Since moving to Washington, DC, it's been a long journey for me to find my center. It's an interesting transition when you decide to move from one coast to another for reasons that are not entirely your own.

So why did I decide to start this blog? For a few reasons...

1. I'm finding it hard to stay connected to my family and friends at home.
2. I need a place to journal what I/we are doing.
3. I need to find a better balance between work, life, and health.

I'm not sure how long I will be able to maintain this blog - lord knows I've start and stopped many blogs before - but I'm inspired by those around me who are just as busy as I am and still find time to journal. You will read more about them in upcoming posts.

For now, sit back... relax... and we'll see what we can make of this journey.

jenn

half marathon

2008-11-08T20:05:00.000-05:00

today i ran my first half marathon doing a tour of chico. i started at my home in california park and headed south on 8th to ivy. from there, i ran to the college and took the bike path to sacramento. then north to esplanade and the out to the bike path to eaton. then off to the airport. it was pretty amazing and hard.

miles: 13:00
time: 2:36
avg pace: 12:06

longest run...

2008-10-26T16:31:00.000-04:00

today was the tour de chico! i started out by the bike path and was going to head up to the airport but it was too hot. so i turned around and headed down the esplande towards the university. fro the university, i hit salem and jogged all the way to 20th. i ended at sierra nevada. ahhhh glad to be home and i'm not feel too bad :)

1st leg: 5.57 mi || 1:03 hours || 11:18 mil/min (best so far on long distance!)
2nd leg: 5 mi || 1:03 hours || 12:40 mil/min

grand total: 10.57 mi || 2:06 hours || 11:55 mil/min

mindful running

2008-10-22T22:30:00.001-04:00

while cycling with berta yesterday, i was bitching (surprise, surprise) but this time it included how sad i was to run without music on the marathon. she had a great suggestion: use that time to think about where i was and who i was becoming.

inspired by that conversation, i ran today without my headphones and found it not to be as bad as i dreaded. i ran the bike path near the gym i work out which runs right up against houses on either side. i listened to people talking in the backyards and dogs barking... smelled yummy food cooking... and just enjoyed being there in the moment. it was nice break from the frustration i have trying to find "the right" music to run too.

towards the end of the run, i was getting nauseous (new for me) so i had to walk the rest of the way. next time: must pack food!

run: 3:58 miles || 42:20 minutes || 11:49 miles/min

what have you done today to make you feel proud?

2008-10-20T20:56:00.000-04:00

i love this song and i needed it today - i ran my first hill. it was not as bad as i thought it would be and i kept a good average.

run: 3.3 miles || 38:09 || 11:33 miles/min

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
weekly total: 12.4

longest run so far

2008-10-19T16:34:00.000-04:00

running is (dare i say it?) easier. my knees were starting to hurt towards the end, but the combo of walking and jogging made it tolerable. Also, best overall time so far.

run: 9.1 miles || 1:45 min || 11:36 mil/min

it's a first

2008-10-17T21:18:00.000-04:00

i ran five miles without stopping - hooray for me!

run: 5:00 miles || 59:01 || 11:47 mil/min

i can do it

2008-10-15T19:17:00.001-04:00

< panic >
there is always a moment when you begin to panic in training. am i training enough? will i finish? why isn't running getting any easier? yikesy!
< /panic >

today's run: 3.2 miles || 37:33 time || 11:44 miles/min

getting a restart

2008-10-13T10:46:00.000-04:00

after taking a week off running, i got back in with some style. this morning i ran my best mile with a new workout format. i'm looking forward to challenging myself.

run: time (27:11) || avg pace: 11:17 min/mil || distance 2.40 miles
personal best mile: 11:02

my last couple of runs

2008-10-05T17:27:00.000-04:00

hi there. today was a special day -- i ran nine miles and kept a pace lower than what i have been averaging. go me!

october 1: 3.03 miles || 36:26 time || 11:59 mile/min
october 4: 3.00 miles || 35:44 time || 11:54 mile/min
october 5: 9.00 miles || 01:45 time || 11:45 mile/min

i listened to u2's "numb" twice during the run. this is one of those songs i will have to memorize for the marathon!

do what you say

2008-09-29T15:09:00.000-04:00

jlo's "let's get loud" was the highlight of my run :) i ran through upper park and half of lower park to get to the eight mile goal. yeeeee haw!

run: 8.01 mi || 1:40:43 mins || 12:34 mils/min

greeley run #2

2008-09-23T22:38:00.000-04:00

better stats than yesterday. more mixed terrain at a different park.

run: 3.60 miles || 45:24 minutes || 12:36 min/mile

greeley run #1

2008-09-22T20:06:00.000-04:00

mixed elevation run. very tired.

run: 3.09 miles || 40:00 minutes || 12:56 min/mi

you are source of my horizon

2008-09-21T13:23:00.000-04:00

ran my first seven mile run and i was able to run half, walk for a bit, then finish strong for the rest of run. awesome workout.

run: 7.06 miles || 1:27 time || 12:23 avr min/mi

sound of the run: get up stand up by stellar project. now i have a visual to go with this song. :P

chilly morning

2008-09-19T10:55:00.001-04:00

i woke up early after a great night of sleep so i thought i'd take advantage of the early start by going for a 30 minute run.

run am: 30:08 minutes || 2.53 miles || 11:52 min/mi

some like it hot (but not me)

2008-09-15T21:17:00.000-04:00

ugh. running in 90+ degree weather sucks, but i did it. i went near my neighborhood which is hilly... so between the heat and the hills, it was a challenging run.

wii fit (am): 20 minutes
running (pm): 51:25 || 4.01 mi || 12:48 (min/mi)

song of the run: that's not my name by the ting tings.

it's a beautiful life

2008-09-14T13:31:00.000-04:00

i never thought that ace of base would get my through my run. :) this was the first time i ever ran six miles. virtual high five for me!

wii fit: 20 minutes (warm-up stretching)
running: 6:01 miles || time: 1:14:30 || pace 12:21 minute/mile

be your own [blank]

2008-09-13T11:50:00.000-04:00

i've begun seeing a life coach. a life coach to people like an independent consultant is to companies: their job is to help you identify what is holding you back from your potential.

i spent an hour and half yesterday with her talking about my life and my goals. i have three homework assignments and one of them is to be your own [blank] - i.e. what would your best friend, mom, dad, sister, brother, son, daughter, coach, mentor, etc. say to you when you do something good.

in retrospect, it's seems so simple. when you are doing something good, you should praise yourself. but why do we find it so hard?

today, i caught myself saying "you can run better"instead of "good job getting back into running!"

why am i so hard on myself? maybe that is the key to being a better me.

it's all about setting a baseline

2008-09-13T11:47:00.001-04:00

today's workout:

wii fit: 30 minutes (stretching, balance, and super hula hoop)
running: 2.5 miles / 14 minute pace
** this includes warm-up || jogging || cool-down

the disney marathon

2008-09-12T16:56:00.000-04:00

today i signed up for my first marathon. i feel all the emotions i felt when i was training for my first triathlon but at least this time i don't have to swim while wearing a wet suit.

holy toledo - it's happening!

salsa verde

2008-06-29T12:42:00.000-04:00

fresh tomatillos = fresh salsa verde. yumsh!

1 small onion (diced)
5 cloves garlic (diced)
25 tomatillos (husk removed - halved)
2 jalepenos (diced, seeds removed)
1 bunch cilantro
2 tbsp olive oil
1 lime
salt

1. brown onion, garlic, jalepenos. add tomatillos and cook until soft.
2. add mixture to blender or food processor. add cilantro and blend until smooth.
3. add juice of lime and salt to taste.

we used the sauce for tacos and i added about 4 tbsp to the rice water to make verde rice. deliciousness!

creamy spinach deliciousness

2008-06-29T12:25:00.000-04:00

i've been traveling for the last few weeks, so i was extremely happy to be in the kitchen cooking yesterday. eric and i went to the farmer's market were we were given an extremely long neck squash - something i've never seen before.

i decided to make a potato quiche with a squash/spinach stuffing. it was awesome.

1 large potato
3 cups squash (cut into small bite size chunks)
5 cups spinach (steamed, water removed)
2 tbsp sour cream (i used tofutti vegan sour cream)
1/8 cup plain soy milk
bread crumbs
1/8 cup cheese (i used a vegetarian pepper jack)
1/2 cup finely chopped onion
3 garlic cloves finely chopped

1. brown onion, garlic, and squash in pan - set aside
2. slice potato into very thin circles (mandoline works best)
3. spray pam in pie dish, arrange sliced potato around edges and bottom
4. mix onion, garlic, and squash with spinach, sour cream, cheese, and soy milk
5. add bread crumbs (i added enough until it was slightly stiff - maybe 4 tbsp)
6. mix in salt and pepper for taste. add mixture to pie dish.
7. cook at 350 for 30-35 minutes. during the last five minutes, brown with broil.

our friend jamie came over and the quiche was gone within 10 minutes. it was really tasty!

easy spicy asian sauce

2008-06-12T16:01:00.000-04:00

i'm a big fan of stirfrys and love this sauce.

1 tbsp vegan bbq sauce
1 tbsp teriyaki sauce
1 tbsp rice vinegar
1 tbsp plain yellow mustard
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp Sriracha or sweet chili sauce
1 tsp corn starch

mix wet ingredients first, then add corn starch with fork. super yummy and super easy.

spicy vegan sausage stirfry

2008-05-27T18:11:00.000-04:00

* 1 vegan brat (I used yves)
* assorted veggies (I used onion, yellow squash, tomato, and red bell pepper)
* 1/2 of cooked lentils (I used black beluga)

1. cut veggies in bite size chunks and cook for five minutes (you could use oil - i used pam)
2. cut brat into bite size chunks and add to veggies and cook until brat pieces are cooked through
3. add a few tbsp of your favorite spicy sauce or dried chili flakes
4. add the cooked lentils
5. enjoy

** i ended up adding a little bit of catsup to the mix after it was done. very tasty and filling.

and now it's done

2008-05-27T18:09:00.000-04:00

I graduated with a Masters of Science (with Distinction!!!!) in Instructional Design and Technology...

now what?

Oyster Mushroom Risotto

2008-04-06T11:47:00.000-04:00

I made this for a dinner party Eric and I had last night and there was none left over *so sad*. Typically, risotto is made with rice, but I was running low so I added orzo to the mix as well. I think this is the recipe -- kind of threw it together last night, so you might need to add more liquid if you find rice/pasta sticking or it is not creamy enough.

Oyster Mushroom Risotto
1/4 yellow onion finely diced
1/4 purple onion finely diced
6 garlic cloves finely diced
1 pound oyster mushroom (or any other mushroom)
1/2 cup white wine
2 tbsp mustard
2 tbsp soy sauce/tamari
2 tbsp olive oil (I used garlic flavored)
1 tbsp butter
1 tbsp sugar
1 1/2 cup orzo
1 1/2 cup short grain rice
2 1/2 cups no-chicken broth (after reducing, it was slightly more than 2 cups)
3 cups water
5 asparagus (cut into bite size pieces)
1 cup frozen peas
parmesan cheese (or vegan)
seasoning (I added salt, pepper, and italian seasoning at the end with the parmesan)

|:: | :: | :: | :: | :: | :: |
I prepared the mushroom mixture a couple of hours before the risotto

* heat olive oil. brown onion and garlic for 5 minutes on medium heat.
* add sugar and lid mixture for 10 minutes.
* clean and chop large chunks of mushroom.
* remove lid and add mushrooms to pan to brown.
* add butter, wine, soy sauce to deglaze pan.
* add 1 cup of water.
* reduce mixture by half on low heat.

* heat no-chicken broth in pan. boil and reduce for 10 minutes, set aside.
* add mushroom mixture to large skillet on medium heat.
* add orzo and rice to brown.
* add 1 cup of no-chicken broth and 1 cup of water. stir until most liquid is absorbed
* add asparagus and peas.
* add 1 cup of no-chicken broth and 1 cup of water. lid mixture and simmer on very low heat for 10 minutes.
* uncover and stir. taste rice/pasta. cook until tender.
* once ready, uncover and mix parmesan (or vegan) into risotto. mixture should be creamy and delicious!

it's been a while...

2008-03-09T16:17:00.000-04:00

yea yea i know i know...

been up to a lot of things:
- in the middle of my project
- working on finishing my last classes
- worked at our first user's conference (rave reviews)
- still working on yummy recipes

i'll update later with more info!

happy two-year to me and eric

2008-02-10T11:05:00.000-05:00

eric and i have been together for two years. we have a wonderful afternoon planned which includes bbqing at one-mile and beers. afterwards, maybe a scrabble tournament with some of our friends. but first? must work on master's paper.

yes we can

2008-02-07T11:30:00.000-05:00

while i'm still on the proverbial democratic fence for a president candidate - i love this video for obama. thanks amber for the link!

Banning of Hallmark Meat Packing Beef

2008-02-02T11:57:00.000-05:00

This week, a story was revealed that a slaughterhouse in Chino, CA (not CHICO!) shows cruelty to "downer" cows (cows that are not able to walk on their own and usually left for dead) being shocked, dragged, and kick then processed for meat consumption (the jury is still out if this part is true). The video was taken by the Humane Society uncover agents and it's graphic. raw. heartbreaking.

I choose not to eat meat because I believe this is not an isolated case and this type of activity is more common than any one would want to think. What do you think happens to animals when they are processed for food? They don't just go to sleep and we gently cut them into small packages that stack nicely in the super markets cases.

While the treatment upsets me, I'm glad that it's getting some kind of publicity. I am hopeful that it will educate some people about the treatment of animals, maybe enough to not eat meat for a few days.

"Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace."
Albert Schweitzer, Nobel Peace Prize Winner

link to news artcile: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/story/2008/01/30/ST2008013001224.html

why i love working from home

2008-01-29T17:10:00.000-05:00

the top ten reasons why i love working from home.

10. client's don't know that you haven't changed out of your pjs.
9. you can still wear you pjs even if you are in a web cam presentation (waist up baby!)
8. the commute is less than a minute.
7. i can forward my office phone to my blackberry and still keep up on calls/emails while i'm running errands.
6. no temptation to go out to lunch.
5. my office assistants are my cats.
4. no annoying "drop bys" from people i don't want to see.
3. i can yell, sing loudly, or pass wind without bothering anyone else (except my office assistants)
2. on my breaks, i can take a nap in my own bed.

and the number one reason?

1. i can compose lists like these as long as my work is done.

amazing veggie stew

2008-01-27T12:12:00.000-05:00

i've been having a hankering for some type of veggie stew and came across this recpie and decided to try it out with a few variations:

added zucchini and mushrooms

did not use the turnip or celery

substituted leeks for the onion

browned the veggies (except peas) before adding any liquid

used no-chicken chicken broth (no tomato like most veggie broths)

added about 6 cups of the no-chicken broth and 2 additional cups of water

made a bouquet of sage and added it with the bay leaves (tied a bunch of sage together with a long green part of the leek

did not use the tamari

verdict: omg was this delish and EASY! the hardest part was cutting all the veggies and not opening the lid after the dumplings were added. eric and i could not believe how tasty this dish was and he didn't miss the chicken at all. i served it with a pinot grigio and it was perfect.

this made about 7 large servings at a measly 4 points a serving. so worth it.

soy pudding (vegan friendly)

2008-01-22T14:35:00.001-05:00

last night i was craving pudding like crazy. after looking up a few recipes, i put together a few of them and came up with the following at only 3 WW points for a serving. not bad for a yummy, guilt-free dessert!

vanilla soy pudding
3 cups light vanilla soy milk
1/3 cups sugar
3 tbsp corn starch
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1 tbsp cinnamon
1 tbsp vegan cocoa mix
1 large banana

1. Mix sugar and corn starch in pan. Turn heat to medium and slowly add 1 cup of soy milk at a time (to avoid lumps).
2. Stir constantly until thicken (about 5 minutes)
3. Mix vanilla extract, cinnamon, and cocoa mix until blended.
4. Cut banana and place in four bowls.
5. Ladle pudding mixture over bananas (roughly 3/4 cup per bowl). Cover with plastic (if you don't like pudding skin).
6. Chill in freezer (20 minutes).

Verdict: Rockin' vegan dessert that tastes like a chocolaty horchata but better. I like the banana, but might try it next time without.

Counting calories on fast food menus

2008-01-22T14:33:00.000-05:00

Finally. I hope more states follow New York's lead! As Sue points out in the comments -- hopefully this will lead fast-food chains to pursue more healthy options for their patrons.

CNN.com - Paging Dr. Gupta Blog

jamie at home

2008-01-10T18:29:00.000-05:00

i'm so excited for the new series jamie at home which shows how to take "real" food from a garden and prepare it to make delicious meals! at first i thought i was a vegetarian show, but looks like he will be incorporating meats.

either way, i hope it inspires some people to start a garden of their own or buy locally grown produce.

experimenting with food

2008-01-04T10:59:00.000-05:00

i've experimented with two new recipes and they are delicious!

the first is tzatziki sauce which is a greek sauce that is served inside of pitas and gyros. after reading a few recipes, i came up with the following:

1/2 cup low fat sour cream

1/2 cup of fat free/plain yogurt

juice of two lemons and zest

rough chopped cilantro

1 cucumber (seeded)

tsp of dill weed

handful of cooked spinached

diced onion and garlic

i mixed this up and served it with a pita stuffed with soy sausage and soy chicken patty (cut up and heated in a frying pan) and lettuce. Eric said this what he ate most of the time Eastern Europe, but with real meat of course! It was pretty darn tasty and the left overs have been great for snacks.

the second is i made taco "meat" last night with yves ground round (fake beef) and taco seasoning. it was darn delicious and is going to become a new staple in our home.

happy healthy new year!

2008-01-02T14:45:00.000-05:00

in the spirit of all things new years, i'm going to resurrect this blog as my personal journal to continue improving on my passion to live a healthier life style. thanks brian martin (aka bm) for the inspiration.

2008 is full of personal goals:

complete master's degree (project, written component, and defend)

continue to develop training skills with mentors at work

move to washington, dc by the end of the year with eric

raise money to cycle in the 2008 AIDS life cycle ride

keep writing in my blog/journal/reflection space for more than two weeks

and of course...

continue defining what a"healthy" lifestyle means to me.

*virtual clink* here's to 2008.

cycle number 2304

2007-12-07T18:51:00.000-05:00

i'm going to be riding in the aids life cycle ride again *yea* check out my site: http://www.aidslifecycle.org/2304

random thoughts

2007-12-07T18:39:00.000-05:00

been busy with work, life, love but here are some random thoughts that have been on my mind lately.

the lens i see the world through might not be as clear as i originally thought. the fact is: it's blocking my vision and influences interactions with other people.

why does the song hate me by blue october make me cry every time i hear it?

there are many children who will go to bed tonight hungry and cold.

living in the moment is much more rewarding than planning for a future that might not be obtained.

there is more to life than being right.

the wake-up

2007-10-30T10:49:00.000-04:00

i kid from time to time that "i'm so tired, i'm going to die". who doesn't? the idea of death is so far fetched and out of our mind for most of our lives until it's right there in our face saying "let's roll". last night i had a bit of a wake-up.

i was driving down rio lindo heading to the gym (for those of you not in Chico, it's a very busy street were businesses meet residential. the posted speed limit is 35, but most people go much faster). i was rocking out to Asia, minding my own business. from out of now where, a person (it happened so fast, i'm not even sure if it was a man or a woman) tried to merge in the lane i was driving in, but either didn't see me or didn't gauge my speed very well and nearly hit me. the only time i had was to slam on my breaks --- i couldn't even swerve because there was a car parked to the right of me.

i was in complete shock. the person drove into a parking lot and i pulled over on the street. i walked around my car and nothing was damaged. the woman behind me stopped and asked if i was ok... she was nice -- she went and found were the person who nearly hit me had moved and was hiding in a dark part of the parking lot.

i wasn't sure what to do: i was safe, my car was OK, and i didn't hit the parked car.... the woman thought i should confront the person, maybe i should have, but i've made peace with the situation and let it go.

after i got back into my car i started to think about how close it really was... if i wasn't paying attention or didn't react so quickly, i might have been hit. and the angle of the truck would have met my driver side window and i'm pretty sure i would have been seriously hurt.

but it makes you think: if today is my last day on this earth, what would i leave behind? what unanswered questions would i leave? do the people in my life know how much they mean to me? what will happen to bert and ernie? did i really live the life i wanted?

i hope so.

filling the void

2007-10-27T21:37:00.000-04:00

i noticed myself picking fights for no apparent reason and it's driving me and eric insane. i did this in my last relationship and after looking back further, this has happened with other people. why?

i met with jamie and berta to talk through some of these thoughts and they had some good insights. i might be pushing myself too hard, setting high expectations, judging other's faults besides my own.... why?

i drove around and i think what ever had to surfaced did: i fill my life with things hoping in the effort to be happy. when i was younger, it was clothes. teens, men (of courses!) but older men - like tim curry and mick jagger. in my late-teen/early adult-hood it was losing weight (80 pounds!) and drugs. and for the past few years, it's health (two triathlons and the FREAKEN' AIDS LIFE CYCLE RIDE), and now - my career/education. why?

why do i wake up in the morning not feeling "i'm good enough" and i need to be doing more?
why am i searching for love and acceptance in others?
why do i need to have chaos/pain/hurt?
why can't i love myself for who i am?

a good professor of mine once told me that when you are able to stop asking why, you will find the root of what ever you are trying to solve.

i am ready.

PS: barnes and noble did not have perfect girls, starving daughters but if i'm interested, i should check out eating disorders for other books like it. *sigh*

Asian Stirfry

2007-10-22T10:43:00.000-04:00

As promised, here is my crack asian stirfry recipe.

Ingredients

5 large garlic cloves minced (8-9 smaller ones)
1/4 onion minced (I prefer purple)
1-inch ginger, peeled and minced
6 red chilies (substitute 1 tsp of dried red pepper flakes, but will make it hotter)
Vegetable or protein of your choice (green bean and broccoli are my favorite)
White wine or cooking wine
Soy sauce
Sesame seeds

Steps

1. Prepare garlic, onion, ginger.
Prepare vegetable or protein of choice (breaking down into bite size pieces).
Heat wok on medium and spray with Pam (or tsp of olive oil) . Add garlic, onion, ginger, and chili. Stir constantly until heated through (about 3-4 minutes).
Add a splash of white/cooking wine and soy sauce (about 2 tablespoons each).
Add vegetable or protein of choice and cook through.
Transfer to a plate and remove red thai chilies (if used).
Top with sesame seeds.

Let me know how it turns out!

define me, says who?

2007-10-20T13:40:00.000-04:00

a wise woman once said "define who you are and find the security you need to feel free parading the REAL YOU all around the world." at first i thought, i know the real me... she is confident, happy, and complex. she likes to read, enjoys spending time with her friends, loves cooking, loves being physical....... but is this really who i am? are these really the things that define me?

related to this post was a comment about a woman who used a truth mirror. she would stare into the mirror each night until she was able to find something beautiful and true about herself... who we believe we are and what we REALLY are two different matters. wait, let me rephrase that: who I believe I am and what I think others see me as, ARE two different things.

so this brings me back to the original statement: define you.

It's hard for me to forgive myself.
I push myself too hard because I think I'm not good enough.
I'm afraid that I will loose control and ???
I focus too much on my weight.
I close my heart because I'm afraid of being hurt.
I judge others because I think they are judging me.

after writing my define statements, i realized two things:
1. they are all negative and 2. i'm on a mission to make it my ANTI-definition.

this blog is now my virtual mirror. i'm going to challenge myself to write often and positively about me, friends, and food.

this is the change i wish to see in the world.