Since moving to Washington, DC, it's been a long journey for me to find my center. It's an interesting transition when you decide to move from one coast to another for reasons that are not entirely your own.
So why did I decide to start this blog? For a few reasons...
1. I'm finding it hard to stay connected to my family and friends at home.
2. I need a place to journal what I/we are doing.
3. I need to find a better balance between work, life, and health.
I'm not sure how long I will be able to maintain this blog - lord knows I've start and stopped many blogs before - but I'm inspired by those around me who are just as busy as I am and still find time to journal. You will read more about them in upcoming posts.
For now, sit back... relax... and we'll see what we can make of this journey.
jenn
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
the wake-up
i kid from time to time that "i'm so tired, i'm going to die". who doesn't? the idea of death is so far fetched and out of our mind for most of our lives until it's right there in our face saying "let's roll". last night i had a bit of a wake-up.
i was driving down rio lindo heading to the gym (for those of you not in Chico, it's a very busy street were businesses meet residential. the posted speed limit is 35, but most people go much faster). i was rocking out to Asia, minding my own business. from out of now where, a person (it happened so fast, i'm not even sure if it was a man or a woman) tried to merge in the lane i was driving in, but either didn't see me or didn't gauge my speed very well and nearly hit me. the only time i had was to slam on my breaks --- i couldn't even swerve because there was a car parked to the right of me.
i was in complete shock. the person drove into a parking lot and i pulled over on the street. i walked around my car and nothing was damaged. the woman behind me stopped and asked if i was ok... she was nice -- she went and found were the person who nearly hit me had moved and was hiding in a dark part of the parking lot.
i wasn't sure what to do: i was safe, my car was OK, and i didn't hit the parked car.... the woman thought i should confront the person, maybe i should have, but i've made peace with the situation and let it go.
after i got back into my car i started to think about how close it really was... if i wasn't paying attention or didn't react so quickly, i might have been hit. and the angle of the truck would have met my driver side window and i'm pretty sure i would have been seriously hurt.
but it makes you think: if today is my last day on this earth, what would i leave behind? what unanswered questions would i leave? do the people in my life know how much they mean to me? what will happen to bert and ernie? did i really live the life i wanted?
i hope so.
i was driving down rio lindo heading to the gym (for those of you not in Chico, it's a very busy street were businesses meet residential. the posted speed limit is 35, but most people go much faster). i was rocking out to Asia, minding my own business. from out of now where, a person (it happened so fast, i'm not even sure if it was a man or a woman) tried to merge in the lane i was driving in, but either didn't see me or didn't gauge my speed very well and nearly hit me. the only time i had was to slam on my breaks --- i couldn't even swerve because there was a car parked to the right of me.
i was in complete shock. the person drove into a parking lot and i pulled over on the street. i walked around my car and nothing was damaged. the woman behind me stopped and asked if i was ok... she was nice -- she went and found were the person who nearly hit me had moved and was hiding in a dark part of the parking lot.
i wasn't sure what to do: i was safe, my car was OK, and i didn't hit the parked car.... the woman thought i should confront the person, maybe i should have, but i've made peace with the situation and let it go.
after i got back into my car i started to think about how close it really was... if i wasn't paying attention or didn't react so quickly, i might have been hit. and the angle of the truck would have met my driver side window and i'm pretty sure i would have been seriously hurt.
but it makes you think: if today is my last day on this earth, what would i leave behind? what unanswered questions would i leave? do the people in my life know how much they mean to me? what will happen to bert and ernie? did i really live the life i wanted?
i hope so.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
filling the void
i noticed myself picking fights for no apparent reason and it's driving me and eric insane. i did this in my last relationship and after looking back further, this has happened with other people. why?
i met with jamie and berta to talk through some of these thoughts and they had some good insights. i might be pushing myself too hard, setting high expectations, judging other's faults besides my own.... why?
i drove around and i think what ever had to surfaced did: i fill my life with things hoping in the effort to be happy. when i was younger, it was clothes. teens, men (of courses!) but older men - like tim curry and mick jagger. in my late-teen/early adult-hood it was losing weight (80 pounds!) and drugs. and for the past few years, it's health (two triathlons and the FREAKEN' AIDS LIFE CYCLE RIDE), and now - my career/education. why?
why do i wake up in the morning not feeling "i'm good enough" and i need to be doing more?
why am i searching for love and acceptance in others?
why do i need to have chaos/pain/hurt?
why can't i love myself for who i am?
a good professor of mine once told me that when you are able to stop asking why, you will find the root of what ever you are trying to solve.
i am ready.
PS: barnes and noble did not have perfect girls, starving daughters but if i'm interested, i should check out eating disorders for other books like it. *sigh*
i met with jamie and berta to talk through some of these thoughts and they had some good insights. i might be pushing myself too hard, setting high expectations, judging other's faults besides my own.... why?
i drove around and i think what ever had to surfaced did: i fill my life with things hoping in the effort to be happy. when i was younger, it was clothes. teens, men (of courses!) but older men - like tim curry and mick jagger. in my late-teen/early adult-hood it was losing weight (80 pounds!) and drugs. and for the past few years, it's health (two triathlons and the FREAKEN' AIDS LIFE CYCLE RIDE), and now - my career/education. why?
why do i wake up in the morning not feeling "i'm good enough" and i need to be doing more?
why am i searching for love and acceptance in others?
why do i need to have chaos/pain/hurt?
why can't i love myself for who i am?
a good professor of mine once told me that when you are able to stop asking why, you will find the root of what ever you are trying to solve.
i am ready.
PS: barnes and noble did not have perfect girls, starving daughters but if i'm interested, i should check out eating disorders for other books like it. *sigh*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
